Why I'm Sticking with Jesus Even Though His Followers (and Me) Can be Terrible

I doubt you’ve got a better option to show me

My Medium feed is full of articles written by people who have a bone to pick with Christians, and to be honest, I get where they are coming from. These articles are chock full of examples of how Christians behave in ways that charitably could be considered less than ideal, to say the least. We are prone to pass judgment on those who don’t believe as we do, and quick to condemn those who live in ways we consider ungodly. We can be quick to quote Scripture at people as a justification for our stance on some socio-political issue while conveniently overlooking our failure to practice the Word we’re drawing from.

We will quickly show grace to our Christian preachers and teachers who fall to sexual sins but will show the door to any LGBTQ folks who show up at our church services. We get all riled up when someone puts together a Last Supper tableau at the Olympics using transgender cast members and flood Fox News with our outrage, while simultaneously mocking and demonizing anyone who doesn’t share our views or politics.

We can go a long way toward making people feel unwelcome in the family of God because they don’t fit our cookie-cutter view of how Christians should act, look like, or live, without recognizing that Jesus, while never condoning sinful behavior or lifestyles, never turned anyone away who sincerely wanted to follow Him. He engaged with adulterers, prostitutes, and Roman collaborators without judgment or condemnation. He counted them among his followers, yet we feel comfortable calling ourselves His followers without similarly engaging with people where they are.

I could go on and on about our failures as followers of Christ, and I could provide plenty of examples of my own failings. I have my own stories about mistreatment at the hands of Christ-followers. I mean, I stayed away from church for 30-odd years in part because of that. And I went through a crisis of belief in my late 20s when I nearly walked away myself. So I get why people walk away from the faith. After all, believers in Christ are supposed to be His ambassadors of a sort, His representatives on earth, so if we behave in ways that demean others, and puff ourselves up, as we are wont to do, why should we be surprised when non-believers see this and determine that God is not a God of love but of judgment, anger, condemnation, and punishment? And who wants to serve someone like that?

Imagine if you had a very close friend, someone who would do anything for you. Let’s say this friend wouldn’t hesitate to push you out of the way of a moving train and take the hit for you. Or give you the shirt off his back if you forgot your coat, or pay for your dinner when you left your wallet at home. He is someone you can depend on no matter what, who would sleep on his sofa if you needed a place to stay and would insist that you take his bedroom. Who would step in and pay your electric bill for three months when you are between jobs? Imagine having someone like that in your life. Would you tell that friend that you didn’t want him around anymore?

Guess what? That doesn’t even scratch the surface of what Jesus has done for me. And I’m not just talking about the shedding of His blood for my redemption, although that is the biggest thing by far. I’m talking about the day-to-day revelation of His love for me that keeps me going and lifts my spirits from the depths they used to reside in. Depression was a constant companion of mine for decades until I really got to know Him personally, and now I enjoy His company instead of that old, toxic “friend” I wish I’d never met. I’ve never been suicidal but that could just be because I wasn’t quite depressed long enough to get there. I have good reason to believe my life would either have been over by now or would look a great deal less blessed than it does today if I had made the decision in that crucial moment to leave Jesus in the past.

He’s opened doors for me I never thought would be open and exposed me to people and places I’d never imagined I’d meet or go. He brought my wife into my life after I’d long given up hope of ever meeting another person who would really get me. I assure you that it is no small miracle we’re still together after nearly 20 years, and I don’t credit myself or my being some amazing husband, which I am not. He’s enriched my life in all kinds of ways that stretch far beyond my own or anyone else’s abilities.

If you want to tell me I should quit Jesus because His followers are often terrible, I would have to challenge you as to how the alternatives would be better. A lot of what is commonly referred to as deconstruction happens as a means of transitioning out of the faith into a kind of quasi-atheism or full-fledged atheism. I can’t see how giving up on Jesus brings me to a better place if the alternative is either deciding that God doesn’t exist or doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things. I understand that not all deconstruction leads away from belief in Christ and that it can be a means of comparing what we believe with Scripture and our relationship with God in a healthy way, and my point here is not to hate on deconstruction generally. My point is just that if the argument is that I should give up on Jesus, what are you offering that is better than Him?

If the offering is basically that we’re all just a massive cosmic accident, and this life is all there is, and that God either doesn’t exist or doesn’t matter, my question is, why would I feel happier thinking that way? Maybe it gives you some sense of freedom or sophistication to see existence in that manner, but for me, it removes any possibility of a higher purpose in life than just existing. I know even atheists or agnostics can feel they have a purpose greater than themselves, but what is it based on? At most it can be a kind of understanding of the greater good and a benefit to their community, which are noble reasons to desire to do something with your life, to be sure.

But you’d be asking me to give up on the purpose I already have been given by my Creator, “to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God.” When you look at that it doesn’t end up that far from just desiring to do the right thing because it’s what is best for everyone. It’s more of a difference in the reason we’re doing the right thing. One does the right thing because they want to be kind to others because of a personal moral code that is self-defined, the other does the right thing because they know it is in line with the will of God to do kindness and show mercy to others. Both do the right thing, perhaps, but one has a purpose that extends into eternity, and the other’s purpose will end the moment their life on this earth ends. That seems like a poor exchange from where I am sitting.

Sure, my reasoning may all sound like some kind of Pascal’s Wager and I suppose on one level, it is. But on another level, a deeper level, it’s about weighing a relationship that has given me so much hope, joy, and peace in my life against, well, pretty much everything else I could possibly put my faith into. We all end up having faith in something. The question is what that is. The arguments for deconstructing my way out of my faith in Christ don’t offer anything that sounds terribly compelling. I think Peter put it best. When Jesus saw many of his disciples leave him, he asked the twelve if they also wanted to go away. It was a sincere question. And Peter responded “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:28 NKJV).

From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?” But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

John 6:66-69 NKJV

I completely agree that a lot of the time, Christians can be terrible. And I’ve been terrible, too. I have no illusions that being a Christian automatically makes you a better person. There are plenty of people I’ve witnessed doing incredibly selfless acts of service to others and making amazing sacrifices every day to help people, or just being great neighbors to those around them who are themselves not Christians or perhaps don’t even believe in God. I wish it worked in the way we like to pretend it does and that being a Christ-follower meant we were always the shining light of Christ to the world. It just doesn’t.

I don’t have to look far to see examples of people who don’t believe in Jesus being better examples of His heart for us than I or my brothers and sisters in Christ are. I recall growing up during the AIDS crisis during the 1980s and 90s and hearing stories about caregivers giving everything they had, and at considerable risk to their own health, to friends and partners who were dying of this terrible disease. It was only recently that I realized how much more these people were being Christ-like in their actions than the many Christians who were condemning them for their lifestyle and saying God had sent AIDS to destroy them. We can fail miserably as Christ-followers while those who (possibly) don’t know Him are displaying His heart for others, to our rightful shame.

If I based my faith on how well I or others who share my faith perform at being good, decent people, I’d have likely walked away long ago. It’s painful to watch how we show contempt for the teachings of Jesus in our day-to-day encounters with others. The problem is not with Jesus or what he taught, but us. The world has never done for me, nor could it, any of the things that Jesus has. I realize that I can only speak to my own experience with Him and that all of mine are abstractions to everyone else. That’s why it is so important that we seek our own relationship with Christ. If we have that as the foundation of our faith, we won’t be so tempted to walk off. If I were clinging to a mere set of beliefs I wasn’t sure fit with how life worked, I would have a powerful reason to just say forget it. But if I’m walking away from a relationship with one who has carried me through the darkest and most joyful moments of my life, who assures me that I always have a place with Him, that is another thing altogether.

Before you make that decision to walk, I would strongly encourage you to try talking to Jesus about what you’re going through. Even if what you talk about with Him is how you’re not sure He’s really there. That’s a fine place to start. He already knows all about your doubts. He’s not going to chew you out because you have them. Even if it just looks like you’re alone in a room talking to the air. Sometimes that’s how it looks. Faith isn’t believing in what you can see and hear, but believing it’s true apart from circumstance. Sit in silence for a few minutes and just listen to what He has to say. Read what He says in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I know that may sound cliche, but what do you want me to say? My day-to-day with Him is not filled with writing in the sky or words being spoken into my ear even when I’m the only person in the room. I haven’t had encounters with angels (that I know of), or been “taken up to the third heaven” or had in-person interactions with the physical Jesus. That doesn’t mean He’s not speaking to me.

You may not “feel” like God is speaking to you or expressing His love toward you. I usually don’t myself. I just trust that He is. I trust that when I have a thought to do something kind for someone, or step outside my comfort zone to serve others, or to constrain myself from doing or saying something that I would regret, that is God putting things into my heart and mind to guide me as He promised to do. I’ve learned that this is how He usually deals with us. Sure, some of us will have a different, perhaps more visceral and vision-oriented interaction with God and perhaps I will someday also. But I won’t put constraints on how He communicates with me and I hope you won’t either.

If you feel lost in your faith or are considering walking away, I feel you. You won’t get any judgment from me. But I hope you will give Jesus a chance to express Himself to you before you decide to give up on Him. Seek Him out in His words and your experiences and memories and you will find Him. He can make His case to you far better than I can, so I will leave it at that.