Forgiveness Is An Act, Not a Feeling

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments. - Luke 23:34 (ESV)

There are times I am reminded of what a blessed life I have lived. I suspect it is something I need to be reminded of often or I will take God’s many blessings on my life for granted. A lot of times those reminders come in the form of the accounts I hear from people who have been severely wronged by someone in their life. It might be a parent or family member who abused them either emotionally, physically, or sexually. It might be someone close to them who they trusted and stole from them. Sometimes it is a story about how their life was turned upside-down by someone who ruined their finances, career, or reputation in some way. The sad truth is that we often don’t have to look very far to find a story about the hurt caused by other people.

In 2017, a man named Wilbert Jones was freed after 45 years in prison for an aggravated rape he insists he did not commit. When overturning his conviction, the judge noted that the authorities “withheld evidence that could have exonerated him decades ago.” He was 19 when he went in, and 65 when he came out. If he is indeed innocent, it is hard to imagine what that must have felt like. Still, when asked if he bore any anger toward those who withheld the evidence that would have set him free, he simply said “I forgave and I forgive.”

If you have never heard of Corrie Ten Boom, her book The Hiding Place (there is a well-known and regarded film version) tells her story. I won’t get long-winded about it, but the short version is that she, her father, and her sister, Betsie, sheltered Jews in their home during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands to protect them from being captured and killed or sent to concentration camps. The people they hid all escaped capture, but the Ten Booms were betrayed by a local and arrested. Her father died within days of his arrest, and Corrie and Betsie were eventually sent to Ravensbruck, a notorious prison camp. Betsie would die there, and Corrie would only survive because she was released due to an administrative mistake only days before all the women in her age group were executed. In 1947 she went to Germany to share the gospel message, and after a meeting she was approached by a former guard at Ravensbruck, whom she recognized. He asked her for forgiveness, and the story of what happened next is described by Corrie herself, which you can read here. The part that stands out to me is when she states “Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”

This is a point we often overlook about forgiveness. It is an act, not a feeling. We make a choice to forgive. That choice is separate from how we feel toward someone who hurt us. It means that no matter what you feel, you help that person if they need help, you comfort them if they need comfort, and you celebrate their victories alongside them if necessary. It can be a challenge to act in this way toward someone who betrayed our trust. But if we stop to consider it, that is what God does for us every day. We are made in His image. We are called to the same standard.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

• Matthew 18: 21-22

Even while He was in the process of being crucified, Jesus declared His forgiveness toward those who were in the act of killing Him. He made the choice to forgive. He would have been within His rights to instead call down fire from heaven on the entire crowd who was taunting Him, on the soldiers driving the nails into His hands, and on the robbers who were mocking Him from their own crosses (although one of them did later repent). He set the standard for us.

Forgiving someone who betrays your trust does not require that you trust them again. Trust must be earned. It is entirely appropriate to measure a person’s character and decide they are better avoided if they are toxic. But forgiveness exists apart from our observation of their character. It is an act we are called to make. It is not deserved by its very nature.

An unforgiving heart is one of the most miserable, pitiable things on earth. It drinks the poison of bitter anger and sour resentment every day and grows harder and colder. If left unchecked it can drive away those closest to us and spread unhappiness to them also. The Lord wants to give us His best, but He can’t do that if our hearts are so full of unforgiveness that we cannot receive it. The soil of our soul must be in a condition to produce a crop when the seed of His word is sown. If you have ever tested your garden or lawn soil to see how acidic it is, you are probably aware that soil that is too unbalanced can’t grow anything very well. That is what we are like when we hold onto our anger and resentment.

The Lord wants us to be free. Forgiveness frees us from resentment and bitterness. The one we are forgiving may not deserve it, but we’re not deserving of others’ forgiveness either, and certainly not God’s forgiveness. But He forgives us anyway when we confess our sins to Him and repent. When we meditate on how much God has forgiven us, it becomes easier to forgive others, and even not take offense to start with.

Lord, please help me to release my anger and resentment toward anyone for whom I still have unforgiveness in my soul. Please heal these wounds I have suffered at their hands and give me a heart to bless them and want Your best for them. Thank you, Lord.